I had a belated birthday party for my sister Amber,
went to an art show that one of my mom's friends was in,
and went to the celebration of the 20 year ministry of my
former youth pastor Dave and his wife Tami.
Because of Michael's work schedule I had to stay with my mom
all weekend and Monday morning to get to all of these things.
Amber's party was at Mom's and everything else was
around that area so that was convenient!
All those activities brought back so many memories for me.
Good and bad memories.
The good news in all of that however, is that I only had
one really bad break down.
It was after Amber had opened her presents and we had cake.
Amber was in mom's rocker glider with her daughter Katie
in her lap and Abby was on the couch hugging her baby girl Lexi.
I looked at both of them and I couldn't hold it together at all!
I ran upstairs to my mom's room and cried so hard that
I couldn't breathe. My mom came and hugged me
and told me to get it all out. And she listened as I talked about
what it was that triggered all my tears.
It wasn't Abby or Amber's fault. They love their little girls!
What hurt me so much about seeing them hold their
daughters was knowing that I won't get to hold my baby on this earth.
I know someday I will be alright.
That seeing my friends and family hold their kids won't hurt
so bad and I won't have to CHOOSE to be
happy for them, I just WILL be happy for them.
Until then please don't hold it against me if I have to keep
my distance when I'm overwhelmed.
I really do appreciate all of you.
The prayers and support have been marvelous.
Thank you so much!
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