Without a baby...

Its almost been a week and I am feeling a little better.

I am still crying here and there.

I have unfortunately had to deal with the rude and thoughtless

words of a few insensitive people. That was difficult, but I leaned

on the Lord for support and grace enough to forgive them.

Despite having to deal with the insensitive people, I have been so

blessed by the support and prayers by all of you that I wanted to say

thank you.

I also want to share the positive thoughts I have considered thanks

to my family and friends encouraging me.

Without a baby yet...

I can learn to drive and get my license-

because I don't wanna be a momma who can't get her children from

point A to point B. And it would give me more freedom and Michael

more rest if I had my license as well.

I can go back to college starting this summer-

I want to finish my bible degree and double major in business admin

and Christian counseling. Which may not seem like they go together

but for the things I hope to accomplish they will really help.

I can continue to get healthy and back into shape-

So that my body is ready for a healthy pregnancy in the future

and that is so important to me now.

This whole thing has been so hard and it probably will be for a long time.

But my doubts about my ability to get pregnant are diminished

and I have this little life I lost and my Heavenly Father to thank for that knowledge.

Thanks again for all your support and prayers!

I know I am still gonna need it so please keep them coming!

A little life...

Sorry this update is late, but when I tell you the story I think you'll understand.

You see, I just had a miscarriage.

I lost my baby before I got to know that I had one growing inside me.

This is not the first miscarriage that went this way either.

To some it might seem stupid to be so sad about this, but to me its not.

I have been hoping for a baby for a while now and I was hoping that this

is the spring my prayers get answered.

Its been hard because so many of my friends and relatives are having babies

and getting to grow their families, while I am waiting.

A beautiful little life that I would have loved so much is gone.

Oh this hurts so much! I don't even want to imagine how much worse it would have felt if I knew I was having a baby and lost it!

I know God has a reason. He must have such a good reason, but I can't help asking why!?!?!

Right now it just doesn't feel fair!

So if you're reading this, please pray for me and pray for Michael. Because this hurts and I wouldn't wish this situation for anyone.

Tuesday Update

Warning: this may gross you out!

My life has been put on hold by health struggles yet again.

Two weeks ago I had a really bad sinus infection. I went to the

doctor and got an antibiotic, got better for 4 days, then got sick

again. When I went back to the Dr. she put me on a new antibiotic

that was kicking the infection out of my sinuses, but not out of my

body just down into my lungs. I was coughing so hard that I bruised

muscles, had broken capillaries by my eyes and ended up vomiting.

So she gave me one of those prescription cough suppressants. In the liquid

format! It made me feel like a little kid.

And that feeling was made stronger by staying overnight at my mom's house

so she ended up taking care of me a little :)

I am feeling a bit better now so hopefully I will be able to get back to

normal life here soon!

So that is the update. Hopefully I will have some more exciting things to share soon!

Wednesday's Tuesday Update...?

Yep, apparently. Monday was an okay day to start off with, but as the day went

on I started feeling really sick and yesterday was more of the same and worse.

So my wonderful hubby brought me to the doctor and now I'm on another

antibiotic!

I am trying not to feel discouraged. A tough thing for me to overcome, because

this winter has been brutal on my health! It is taking me away for the

commitments I've made at church and just keeps dashing my hope to get a part time job!

I really hope that others are having a better week and a better winter than I am.