The honesty of me....

I will be honest and tell you that I am not confident in myself. I know that I have been at times or from all appearances have seemed to be confident, but I have struggled with my self worth through my entire life. It wasn't until a few years ago that I saw who I was through God's eyes.

Its this struggle with the line that runs between pride and humility that seems to catch me. To me pride and confidence go hand in hand. I can't really picture humility and confidence hand in hand. But its when I stopped and realized that I needed to have the humility to place my confidence in the Lord, not in myself that I saw how He sees me.

I will also be honest and say that I am a runner.

Not a runner of roads, but I have run away from the people and memories(both theirs and mine) of myself that embarrass or shame me. I think its because all those moments were the ones that I chose to stop being me, blend in and failed miserably trying to do so. I was ignoring the fact that God wanted me to be different. But I wanted to take the path that everyone else was walking on and not the lonely seeming one.

It isn't as difficult for me now, but back then all I wanted was to be like everyone else! Now I sometimes wish that I could go back and tell that little girl to be happy and enjoy being unique. I wish that I could take back moments where I checked myself at the door to go be a copy of all the other kids in the room.

I know that I didn't blow it all the time and I know that I cannot go back and undo the past.

So what I tell myself and what I am telling you... is that its alright! No you can't change any of it. Its in the past, but you can choose to trust God today, tomorrow and everyday in the future and follow Him where He is leading you! Isn't that great?